If your home (or, if you're a nanny, the home where you work) is anything like the home where I work, for the past couple of months you've had tiny little hands grabbing at every catalog that comes in the mail, crayons at the ready to circle every item of fascination for Santa's list. If those tiny hands belong to tiny people who also watch TV, they can quote you verbatim every hot new your-childhood-is-incomplete-and-miserable-without-this-toy advertisement. It can get kind of wearing when young voices beg for every toy in the store and clamor to keep writing and rewriting letters for the North Pole because the last letter was not quite complete.
It is easy to get discouraged when we see all our efforts at building thoughtful, generous little people dissipate into greedy, grabby, demanding, selfish, materialistic holiday-fueled behaviour. We might start to worry that the child who is begging for every toy in creation today will grow up to be just as self-focused, greedy, and materialistic as an adult.
It can become even more of a struggle when we, as the adults, struggle ourselves with wanting to provide them every joy in the world along with the knowledge and understanding of how truly truly blessed we might be. We see a story about a family whose home just went up in flames. We hear about parents who have lost their child. A child who just lost his parents. A couple struggling, thus far unsuccessfully, to build a family. A family just given a horrific, life altering diagnosis. Families and individuals without homes, food, or love. Countries where children starve to death, daily, for lack of food. Places where physical safety is unknown. Children who only know touch to be something that brings shame, or pain.
We hear these things and it gives a new perspective, it helps us to be a little more grateful for what we have.
I recently read a comment about a newscaster reading a child's letter to Santa wherein the child asked Santa to go to heaven and give his mommy a hug for him. The comment continued...what would children ask for if they weren't brainwashed by toy companies?
I thought about that and it dawned on me: They'd probably still ask for toys, and isn't that beautiful?
A child who asks for a message to be taken to his mommy in heaven is a child who knows the loss of his mother. It is his greatest wish to see her again, to be held by her again. It is natural for him to have this wish, given his circumstances. But why on earth would we want for every child to have this wish? Or even for one more child to wish for his mother?
A child who asks for toys instead of for a meal is a child who goes to bed with a full belly, who does not know hunger. A child who asks for a gaming system over having her parent back is a child who still knows the loving presence of her parent, who has not experienced the devastation of that kind of loss. A child who wants a Transformer instead of a home is a child who has a place to feel safe and to lay his head at night, who does not know what it is like to wander the streets or live in a shelter or be bounced from foster home to foster home. When a child is desperate to possess this year's "must have" item, that child is a child who likely has his basic needs met and doesn't even comprehend what it would be like to not have those needs for food, shelter, and love met.
Isn't that an amazing, wonderful thing?
Isn't it worth celebrating?
I do not, in any way, mean to belittle or mitigate the extent of need in our world. I firmly and fully believe in the responsibility of every individual to give to, and care for, the world around them. I believe this is our responsibility every day, not just at the holidays. On the flip side of this, though, I don't know that it is appropriate to tell a child writing a letter to Santa that his desire for new toys is invalid...or shameful...because other children want a home or a mommy or food. Absolutely, give him the opportunity throughout the year to participate in making the world a better place for his fellow humans. But don't deny him his own innocence, his own experience of a safe, happy, joyful world just because not every child has what he has.
For now, while part of my heart aches for every child...every adult...every person...in pain or in need, the other part of my heart rejoices for and celebrates the fact that so many children have the love, the safety, the freedom, the peace, the opportunity, and the chance to be greedy, materialistic, selfish little elves at Christmas time.
I thank God that they don't know any differently.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I still believe in Santa
I still believe in Santa.
I realize that may sound a bit delusional from a 37 year old woman, but it is true. I still believe in Santa. It comes in handy, as a nanny. I get to genuinely participate in the delight of my charges.
Don't get me wrong, I've had my doubts over the years. Questions. Suspiscions.
When I was three, I asked my mother why the Santa at one place had brown eyes and the Santa at another had blue eyes. She pointed out that it could be pretty hard for Santa to be in all places at one time, so sometimes his helpers dressed up and passed the news along to him about what all the kids wanted. Thirty four years later, this still makes sense to me.
When I was five, I recognized the handwriting on the gift tags as my dad's handwriting. He didn't miss a beat when he said that the elves and Santa get pretty busy so they sometimes leave the gifts for the moms and dads to wrap and tag. This, too, still makes sense to me.
I was just beginnning to truly suspect something was awry with the whole Santa spectacle at age 8, when we moved from Minnesota to southern California. We moved into our warm, sunny new home in October.
Santa lived across the street.
I'm not kidding. There he was...white beard, round belly, red pants...woodworking in his garage. He told my brother and I that it got pretty cold for old bones up in the North Pole, so he and Mrs. Claus had moved south. It was a secret, he said. To fit into society and keep an eye on people, he and Mrs. Claus called themselves Preston and Dixie. When it wasn't Christmas season, they performed as professional clowns so they could see what all the kids were up to.
It made perfect sense to us, the idea of leaving a cold and snowy land for bright California. All year long, we'd scribble out lengthy letters to Santa about what we wanted and then...because we were the luckiest kids in the world on this front...we walked our letters across the street to Santa's house.
When I started to hear ugly rumors at school, I questioned my parents about Santa again. They handled it with rare sensitivity. "Santa," I was told, "is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time." Well, I can buy into that, can't you?
Eventually, I figured out that the presents beneath the tree probably weren't made by tiny little half-humans on the polar ice cap and that they probably didn't arrive via a fat man, eight reindeer, and a sleigh. In fact, when I realized that my parents were behind the Christmas morning toy bonanza, I spent WEEKS thanking them for each individual item I could remember as a Santa gift. I felt horrifically guilty for the expense, ashamed of my own greed, and determined to keep cost in mind for every future Christmas list. Since the actual day of a holiday was usually a disaster in our home...packed chock full with rages, accusations, fights, and tantrums...I learned to focus on what I could give, rather than what I got. No matter how unhappy a Christmas got (including the one stellarly awful Christmas in college when I got thrown out of my mother's house on Christmas Day for a snarky comment), I kept in mind that one answer about who Santa REALLY is: The spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time. It gives me a focus, not just for how I choose to be, but for what I choose to see in the world around me.
It would be easy to grow cynical; to bemoan the greed around me, to snark that it would be nice to see generosity all year around rather than just at the holidays. I guess I could focus more on the crazy drivers in the mall parking lot rather than the friend who politely held the door for more than 100 people at a busy restaurant last weekend. But, I remember my second Christmas in mission and being on the flip side of Toys for Tots...the side that got to hand out box after box after box after box of donated toys to weeping, grateful, shame-filled parents who just wanted their own little ones to experience a bit of magic in their impoverished lives for one, sparkly, gift filled morning.
I remember a former nannykid taking a big gulping frightened breath and asking me if could keep her secret about something. (I, of course, immediately imagined the worst and suggested she tell me first, then we'd deal with the secret part). "I don't know," she ventured, "if I believe in Santa anymore." The perk in her step and the glow in her eyes were well worth it when I told her the truth: "Well, I still believe in Santa. Santa is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time, and I believe in that with all my heart."
I remember my first Christmas in mission, sicker than I'd ever been in my life thanks to a bout with intestinal amoebas and having had to miss the last night of posadas and a real Honduran holiday...I crawled out of bed while everyone was in the chapel to a message on our message board, "Merry Christmas, Tara...we love you, your brothers and sisters in Christ."
This year, I believe in Santa more than ever.
Three months ago, one of my own nanny babies was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, Burkitt's lymphoma. The treatment has been brutal on this little boy. He has spent more time in the hospital than at home. He is unable to attend first grade. Because of how the tumor is sitting, he has almost no sensation in his lower body save for extreme nerve pain. While I'm sure his parents must have many moments of despair, anger, and frustration, they walk this journey with their boy with humor, grace, and optimism in a way that puts me in awe every day. I know how very much I love this child and I'm just his former nanny. So, I know that how his parents love him is infinitely wider and greater than what I can imagine. I know how his suffering breaks my heart, so I know that the agony his parents experience watching him go through this has got to also be infinitely wider and greater than anything I can possibly imagine, as well.
They don't show that side much. It is extraordinarily humbling and inspiring.
Last month, as the holidays approached, I realized that he probably wouldn't get to see Santa this year at any of the local malls. His immune system is shattered from the chemo, and going to a germ-filled mall could be very risky. So I thought...Santa is magic. Soon, this child might start to not believe in the reality of Santa magic because he's getting older and getting to that questioning age. Cancer has taken so much from them these past few months, I'll be damned if it is taking Santa, too. There has to be a Santa out there, I thought, who will let me pay him to go to their house.
I mentioned this thought to a new friend. "Oh, I know just who you need to call. Santa Norm is the real Santa. He's a friend of mine, he might do it." I asked her to contact him for me and to see what he would charge. She did so delightedly. I suspect she's part Santa.
Santa Norm waved off any fee. Santa understands his magic, and understands how precious that magic can be. So this wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man...a total stranger...gave of his time and self during a very very busy time of year in order to bring Christmas to life for a family he did not know.
This afternoon, at that family's home, there was a knock at the door.
Sometimes, Santa doesn't come down the chimney, after all.
Santa is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time. And yes, I still believe in Santa.
I realize that may sound a bit delusional from a 37 year old woman, but it is true. I still believe in Santa. It comes in handy, as a nanny. I get to genuinely participate in the delight of my charges.
Don't get me wrong, I've had my doubts over the years. Questions. Suspiscions.
When I was three, I asked my mother why the Santa at one place had brown eyes and the Santa at another had blue eyes. She pointed out that it could be pretty hard for Santa to be in all places at one time, so sometimes his helpers dressed up and passed the news along to him about what all the kids wanted. Thirty four years later, this still makes sense to me.
When I was five, I recognized the handwriting on the gift tags as my dad's handwriting. He didn't miss a beat when he said that the elves and Santa get pretty busy so they sometimes leave the gifts for the moms and dads to wrap and tag. This, too, still makes sense to me.
I was just beginnning to truly suspect something was awry with the whole Santa spectacle at age 8, when we moved from Minnesota to southern California. We moved into our warm, sunny new home in October.
Santa lived across the street.
I'm not kidding. There he was...white beard, round belly, red pants...woodworking in his garage. He told my brother and I that it got pretty cold for old bones up in the North Pole, so he and Mrs. Claus had moved south. It was a secret, he said. To fit into society and keep an eye on people, he and Mrs. Claus called themselves Preston and Dixie. When it wasn't Christmas season, they performed as professional clowns so they could see what all the kids were up to.
It made perfect sense to us, the idea of leaving a cold and snowy land for bright California. All year long, we'd scribble out lengthy letters to Santa about what we wanted and then...because we were the luckiest kids in the world on this front...we walked our letters across the street to Santa's house.
When I started to hear ugly rumors at school, I questioned my parents about Santa again. They handled it with rare sensitivity. "Santa," I was told, "is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time." Well, I can buy into that, can't you?
Eventually, I figured out that the presents beneath the tree probably weren't made by tiny little half-humans on the polar ice cap and that they probably didn't arrive via a fat man, eight reindeer, and a sleigh. In fact, when I realized that my parents were behind the Christmas morning toy bonanza, I spent WEEKS thanking them for each individual item I could remember as a Santa gift. I felt horrifically guilty for the expense, ashamed of my own greed, and determined to keep cost in mind for every future Christmas list. Since the actual day of a holiday was usually a disaster in our home...packed chock full with rages, accusations, fights, and tantrums...I learned to focus on what I could give, rather than what I got. No matter how unhappy a Christmas got (including the one stellarly awful Christmas in college when I got thrown out of my mother's house on Christmas Day for a snarky comment), I kept in mind that one answer about who Santa REALLY is: The spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time. It gives me a focus, not just for how I choose to be, but for what I choose to see in the world around me.
It would be easy to grow cynical; to bemoan the greed around me, to snark that it would be nice to see generosity all year around rather than just at the holidays. I guess I could focus more on the crazy drivers in the mall parking lot rather than the friend who politely held the door for more than 100 people at a busy restaurant last weekend. But, I remember my second Christmas in mission and being on the flip side of Toys for Tots...the side that got to hand out box after box after box after box of donated toys to weeping, grateful, shame-filled parents who just wanted their own little ones to experience a bit of magic in their impoverished lives for one, sparkly, gift filled morning.
I remember a former nannykid taking a big gulping frightened breath and asking me if could keep her secret about something. (I, of course, immediately imagined the worst and suggested she tell me first, then we'd deal with the secret part). "I don't know," she ventured, "if I believe in Santa anymore." The perk in her step and the glow in her eyes were well worth it when I told her the truth: "Well, I still believe in Santa. Santa is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time, and I believe in that with all my heart."
I remember my first Christmas in mission, sicker than I'd ever been in my life thanks to a bout with intestinal amoebas and having had to miss the last night of posadas and a real Honduran holiday...I crawled out of bed while everyone was in the chapel to a message on our message board, "Merry Christmas, Tara...we love you, your brothers and sisters in Christ."
This year, I believe in Santa more than ever.
Three months ago, one of my own nanny babies was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, Burkitt's lymphoma. The treatment has been brutal on this little boy. He has spent more time in the hospital than at home. He is unable to attend first grade. Because of how the tumor is sitting, he has almost no sensation in his lower body save for extreme nerve pain. While I'm sure his parents must have many moments of despair, anger, and frustration, they walk this journey with their boy with humor, grace, and optimism in a way that puts me in awe every day. I know how very much I love this child and I'm just his former nanny. So, I know that how his parents love him is infinitely wider and greater than what I can imagine. I know how his suffering breaks my heart, so I know that the agony his parents experience watching him go through this has got to also be infinitely wider and greater than anything I can possibly imagine, as well.
They don't show that side much. It is extraordinarily humbling and inspiring.
Last month, as the holidays approached, I realized that he probably wouldn't get to see Santa this year at any of the local malls. His immune system is shattered from the chemo, and going to a germ-filled mall could be very risky. So I thought...Santa is magic. Soon, this child might start to not believe in the reality of Santa magic because he's getting older and getting to that questioning age. Cancer has taken so much from them these past few months, I'll be damned if it is taking Santa, too. There has to be a Santa out there, I thought, who will let me pay him to go to their house.
I mentioned this thought to a new friend. "Oh, I know just who you need to call. Santa Norm is the real Santa. He's a friend of mine, he might do it." I asked her to contact him for me and to see what he would charge. She did so delightedly. I suspect she's part Santa.
Santa Norm waved off any fee. Santa understands his magic, and understands how precious that magic can be. So this wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man...a total stranger...gave of his time and self during a very very busy time of year in order to bring Christmas to life for a family he did not know.
This afternoon, at that family's home, there was a knock at the door.
Sometimes, Santa doesn't come down the chimney, after all.
Santa is the spirit of loving and giving at Christmas time. And yes, I still believe in Santa.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
It's a Gift
I have a gift.
It is a rare and reasonably unique gift.
It is an unfortunate gift.
I wish I had gifts like some of my friends have. The gift of always knowing the right thing to say. The gift of spectacular, side splitting wit. The gift of music. The gift of organization. The gift of being able to do any physical activity well. The gift to create something brilliant and extraordinary...be it a screenplay, a book, a song, art, a child...
Me? I have a gift for crazy. Some people bring out the best in others; I bring out the crazy.
This gift manifests in two primary ways. First, it is the random stranger who sees me and sees an invisible sign on my back reading "No boundaries, bring it on!" It might be the creeper old man at a museum who trails me and my nannykids, trying to show us the stack of photos he took of Thomas the Tank Engine at a recent "Day Out with Thomas" event. It might be the older woman who starts in with how much she doesn't like her husband now that he's retired. It might be the lady behind me in line at Gymboree who tells me all about her unborn twins who died in utero six months ago. It might be the person who sits down next to me in a cafeteria and opens up a conversation by telling me how her stepfather used to come into her room at night. It might be a person I just met who asks me to throw her a birthday party and invite all my friends...who don't know her. It might be an innocent comment I make (such as a recent one about the nutritional values in a peanut butter sandwich) that triggers the crazy into a furious frenzy of argument which so riles them against me as a person that they have to block me on facebook in order to cope with my existence.
True stories, all.
And I don't mind the personal trauma stories from people I know. In fact, I am deeply honored when someone chooses to share such things with me, or when they turn to me for support or comfort. It is more than a little unnerving to be out in public, though, minding my own business, and to have a total stranger approach me with private, intimate life details. While I'd like to stop and comfort them all, I can't.
This gift for crazy also manifests in the form of customer service people. It doesn't seem to matter how polite, calm, reasonable I am. If there's a crazy person waiting to "help", that's the one I'll get. A few weeks ago it was the bartender who refused to serve me (or even hand me my bill) because I wasn't thin and pretty enough. The only way I got any kind of service was for one of my gorgeous friends to place the order for me.
This week, it was the sales associate at a superstore retailer.
I just had to pick up a few easy things. Diet Coke, toilet paper, balloons, and string. The first three were easy to find but the string left me stumped. I could have just wandered the store, aisle after aisle, to find it. Doing so would have caused me to be very very late to pick up the Twincesses and the Little Litigator from preschool and kindergarten. So, I did the normal thing: I asked for help.
It should have gone like this:
Me: Excuse me, where might I find string?
Sales Associate: String? Oh, on the back wall in hardware.
Me: Thank you so much!
SA: You're welcome, have a great day!
That is not how it went down. It should have gone down that way. In a normal world, it would have gone down that way. As we know, *my* world doesn't go according to normal, so this is how it played out:
Me: Excuse me, where might I find string?
SA: String?
pause
pause
pause
Me: Yes. String. Like...twine?
SA: (blank stare)
Me: Do you carry string?
SA: (completely baffled) What do you need string for?
Okay, does it really matter? Are there that many kinds of twine like string that would be in that many different departments of the store? Does my intended use make a difference in whether or not I am allowed to purchase the string? If I say "It's for a kindergarten science experiment" (the truth) will I get faster service than if I say "It's so I can tie up small children and see how long it takes them to gnaw free" (not the truth)?
Me: I just need string...string like twine.
SA: But like, for what?
Me: For a project.
SA: (knowingly) ohhhhh. Okay. I don't know where that is.
If you don't know where it is, then why did you need to know what it was for??
Me: Is there someone who WOULD know?
SA: um, probably? I know where everything in the store is though.
Which begs the question...
Me: So, then, where is the string?
SA: I'm going to have to ask. Do you really need it?
*blink* No, I just asked for it to test you, just for kicks and giggles. Once you tell me where it is, I'm going to walk in the opposite direction and buy hairbows instead. Of COURSE I really need it!
Me: Yes. I really do.
SA: (heaving sigh) I guess I can call for help
Me: That would be great, thank you.
SA: (muttering angrily) Although, I do know where everything is in this store. I've never had anyone ask for STRING before. What a weird thing to need. Nobody ever asks for that. String.
I had to fight the urge to ask for bungee cords, duct tape, blindfolds, and bacon.
SA: (on the phone) Yeah, there's this lady here and she needs (sideways glance at me) STRING. Do we even have that? Oh. We do. Okay. (hangs up phone, stares at me expectantly)
Me: So...the string is...where?
SA: On the wall.
Me: Which wall would that be?
SA: (exasperated with me at this point) On. The. Back. Wall. Near hardware. You have to actually go and look for it. You have to walk over there. GO. Walk over there. Go down this aisle, look at the back wall, and look for where it says "HARDWARE". Then, go to the BACK WALL. Find your STRING.
Because, obviously, I was in the wrong for asking. I mean, who the hell goes into a store and asks a customer service person for actual help? That's some kind of entitlement based crazy on my part, for sure!
If I'd had more time, at this point I might have had to mess with her, just to make a point. "Wait, the front wall?" "Did you say it was in auto supplies?" "Gosh, that's far away, can you just go get it for me while I wait here?" "Is it the flavored kind of string?" I might even have had to go look for it, failed to find it, and returned to her for more "help."
That might have set her off even more, though, and since clearly asking a simple question was a trigger I thought it wise not to push my luck.
I might hunt her down tomorrow, though, and ask her about that duct tape.
It is a rare and reasonably unique gift.
It is an unfortunate gift.
I wish I had gifts like some of my friends have. The gift of always knowing the right thing to say. The gift of spectacular, side splitting wit. The gift of music. The gift of organization. The gift of being able to do any physical activity well. The gift to create something brilliant and extraordinary...be it a screenplay, a book, a song, art, a child...
Me? I have a gift for crazy. Some people bring out the best in others; I bring out the crazy.
This gift manifests in two primary ways. First, it is the random stranger who sees me and sees an invisible sign on my back reading "No boundaries, bring it on!" It might be the creeper old man at a museum who trails me and my nannykids, trying to show us the stack of photos he took of Thomas the Tank Engine at a recent "Day Out with Thomas" event. It might be the older woman who starts in with how much she doesn't like her husband now that he's retired. It might be the lady behind me in line at Gymboree who tells me all about her unborn twins who died in utero six months ago. It might be the person who sits down next to me in a cafeteria and opens up a conversation by telling me how her stepfather used to come into her room at night. It might be a person I just met who asks me to throw her a birthday party and invite all my friends...who don't know her. It might be an innocent comment I make (such as a recent one about the nutritional values in a peanut butter sandwich) that triggers the crazy into a furious frenzy of argument which so riles them against me as a person that they have to block me on facebook in order to cope with my existence.
True stories, all.
And I don't mind the personal trauma stories from people I know. In fact, I am deeply honored when someone chooses to share such things with me, or when they turn to me for support or comfort. It is more than a little unnerving to be out in public, though, minding my own business, and to have a total stranger approach me with private, intimate life details. While I'd like to stop and comfort them all, I can't.
This gift for crazy also manifests in the form of customer service people. It doesn't seem to matter how polite, calm, reasonable I am. If there's a crazy person waiting to "help", that's the one I'll get. A few weeks ago it was the bartender who refused to serve me (or even hand me my bill) because I wasn't thin and pretty enough. The only way I got any kind of service was for one of my gorgeous friends to place the order for me.
This week, it was the sales associate at a superstore retailer.
I just had to pick up a few easy things. Diet Coke, toilet paper, balloons, and string. The first three were easy to find but the string left me stumped. I could have just wandered the store, aisle after aisle, to find it. Doing so would have caused me to be very very late to pick up the Twincesses and the Little Litigator from preschool and kindergarten. So, I did the normal thing: I asked for help.
It should have gone like this:
Me: Excuse me, where might I find string?
Sales Associate: String? Oh, on the back wall in hardware.
Me: Thank you so much!
SA: You're welcome, have a great day!
That is not how it went down. It should have gone down that way. In a normal world, it would have gone down that way. As we know, *my* world doesn't go according to normal, so this is how it played out:
Me: Excuse me, where might I find string?
SA: String?
pause
pause
pause
Me: Yes. String. Like...twine?
SA: (blank stare)
Me: Do you carry string?
SA: (completely baffled) What do you need string for?
Okay, does it really matter? Are there that many kinds of twine like string that would be in that many different departments of the store? Does my intended use make a difference in whether or not I am allowed to purchase the string? If I say "It's for a kindergarten science experiment" (the truth) will I get faster service than if I say "It's so I can tie up small children and see how long it takes them to gnaw free" (not the truth)?
Me: I just need string...string like twine.
SA: But like, for what?
Me: For a project.
SA: (knowingly) ohhhhh. Okay. I don't know where that is.
If you don't know where it is, then why did you need to know what it was for??
Me: Is there someone who WOULD know?
SA: um, probably? I know where everything in the store is though.
Which begs the question...
Me: So, then, where is the string?
SA: I'm going to have to ask. Do you really need it?
*blink* No, I just asked for it to test you, just for kicks and giggles. Once you tell me where it is, I'm going to walk in the opposite direction and buy hairbows instead. Of COURSE I really need it!
Me: Yes. I really do.
SA: (heaving sigh) I guess I can call for help
Me: That would be great, thank you.
SA: (muttering angrily) Although, I do know where everything is in this store. I've never had anyone ask for STRING before. What a weird thing to need. Nobody ever asks for that. String.
I had to fight the urge to ask for bungee cords, duct tape, blindfolds, and bacon.
SA: (on the phone) Yeah, there's this lady here and she needs (sideways glance at me) STRING. Do we even have that? Oh. We do. Okay. (hangs up phone, stares at me expectantly)
Me: So...the string is...where?
SA: On the wall.
Me: Which wall would that be?
SA: (exasperated with me at this point) On. The. Back. Wall. Near hardware. You have to actually go and look for it. You have to walk over there. GO. Walk over there. Go down this aisle, look at the back wall, and look for where it says "HARDWARE". Then, go to the BACK WALL. Find your STRING.
Because, obviously, I was in the wrong for asking. I mean, who the hell goes into a store and asks a customer service person for actual help? That's some kind of entitlement based crazy on my part, for sure!
If I'd had more time, at this point I might have had to mess with her, just to make a point. "Wait, the front wall?" "Did you say it was in auto supplies?" "Gosh, that's far away, can you just go get it for me while I wait here?" "Is it the flavored kind of string?" I might even have had to go look for it, failed to find it, and returned to her for more "help."
That might have set her off even more, though, and since clearly asking a simple question was a trigger I thought it wise not to push my luck.
I might hunt her down tomorrow, though, and ask her about that duct tape.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
"It's all so real now"
Today I heard two men comment that, today, their shared experience seemed "all so real now". I've never met these men before. I'll likely never meet either one of them again. But I've been in the shoes of one of them and I know exactly what he means.
Nine years and a couple of weeks ago, I recieved a letter in the mail that changed my life. It was from the National Marrow Donor Program and it informed me that I was a potential bone marrow match for a then 30 year old woman with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. It asked if I would consent to further testing to confirm the match.
I did, and I was.
I ended up donating three times for this woman I did not know. It boggled me to think that through some biological coincidence, cells from my body had the potential to save the life of a stranger. It still boggles me how being a match is something completely beyond our control, and how very very easy it is to be a marrow donor.
Nine months and six days after the first donation I was in a suburban Cleveland neighborhood, walking up a driveway, to meet my bone marrow recipient for the first time. Her name was Erin Jones, and she was a hero. Meeting Erin that July afternoon was a defining moment for me. Meeting her mother a few minutes later, however, crystallized my entire experience into something incredibly real. Up until then, I would have told you that what I'd agreed to do was a very small thing. It is, for the donor. Once you match, all you ever do is show up and sign papers and lay there. You don't have to be good at anything, you don't have to do any work for it, have any talents, demonstrate any skills...you don't even have to be a nice or decent person. All you have to do is be the match. Other people involved in the process do all the work...but as a donor, all I had to do was show up. So small. Yet, when Erin's mother, Diane, wrapped her arms around me and started to sob, "Thank you, thank you. Oh my God, thank you", it was in that moment that my "very small thing" became real to me. In that moment, I knew that what was a "very small thing" for me was not small at all for someone else. It was enormous to them. Erin wasn't just an unknown woman a couple of years older than myself: She was someone's child. She was a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a police officer...but first, she was someone's child.
Being able to give someone hope for a second chance at living? Not such a "very small thing" to her family. Meeting them that day moved the whole experience into a very concrete reality for me.
Today, I heard another marrow donor describe it in much the same way as he prepared to meet, for the very first time, his own marrow recipient. "Today, it is real."
In January, 2008, Dr. Wesley Hamilton (of Abilene, TX) donated his marrow for Dany Mercado of Kitchener, ONT, Canada. Dany recieved his transplant at Karmanos Cancer Center, here in Detroit, MI. Today, at Karmanos, they met each other in person.
There wasn't a dry eye in the house as those two men embraced and held on to each other.
When I heard Dany tell a reporter that "It's all so real now"...words that both Erin and I used to describe our first meeting... my heart grinned.
I know what you mean, Dany and Wes. I know what you mean.
(See Dany and Wes meeting here)
Nine years and a couple of weeks ago, I recieved a letter in the mail that changed my life. It was from the National Marrow Donor Program and it informed me that I was a potential bone marrow match for a then 30 year old woman with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. It asked if I would consent to further testing to confirm the match.
I did, and I was.
I ended up donating three times for this woman I did not know. It boggled me to think that through some biological coincidence, cells from my body had the potential to save the life of a stranger. It still boggles me how being a match is something completely beyond our control, and how very very easy it is to be a marrow donor.
Nine months and six days after the first donation I was in a suburban Cleveland neighborhood, walking up a driveway, to meet my bone marrow recipient for the first time. Her name was Erin Jones, and she was a hero. Meeting Erin that July afternoon was a defining moment for me. Meeting her mother a few minutes later, however, crystallized my entire experience into something incredibly real. Up until then, I would have told you that what I'd agreed to do was a very small thing. It is, for the donor. Once you match, all you ever do is show up and sign papers and lay there. You don't have to be good at anything, you don't have to do any work for it, have any talents, demonstrate any skills...you don't even have to be a nice or decent person. All you have to do is be the match. Other people involved in the process do all the work...but as a donor, all I had to do was show up. So small. Yet, when Erin's mother, Diane, wrapped her arms around me and started to sob, "Thank you, thank you. Oh my God, thank you", it was in that moment that my "very small thing" became real to me. In that moment, I knew that what was a "very small thing" for me was not small at all for someone else. It was enormous to them. Erin wasn't just an unknown woman a couple of years older than myself: She was someone's child. She was a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a police officer...but first, she was someone's child.
Being able to give someone hope for a second chance at living? Not such a "very small thing" to her family. Meeting them that day moved the whole experience into a very concrete reality for me.
Today, I heard another marrow donor describe it in much the same way as he prepared to meet, for the very first time, his own marrow recipient. "Today, it is real."
In January, 2008, Dr. Wesley Hamilton (of Abilene, TX) donated his marrow for Dany Mercado of Kitchener, ONT, Canada. Dany recieved his transplant at Karmanos Cancer Center, here in Detroit, MI. Today, at Karmanos, they met each other in person.
There wasn't a dry eye in the house as those two men embraced and held on to each other.
When I heard Dany tell a reporter that "It's all so real now"...words that both Erin and I used to describe our first meeting... my heart grinned.
I know what you mean, Dany and Wes. I know what you mean.
(See Dany and Wes meeting here)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Highlights from the Highlands
Just to tease you a bit, here are some highlights from the week thus far:
*Learning to live life without a flat iron...and allowing the photo's to prove it.
*Picking up pedestrians, shaking them, then smacking them back down on the street.
*Meeting a man in a tartan turban that matched his tartan tie. And his tartan trousers.
*Realizing that sightseeing alone means asking complete, non-English speaking strangers if they will take my picture here...or there...with that in the background...
*In five days, I can take over 600 pictures.
*Edinburgh was built on seven hills, but when one uses walking as a primary means of transportation one comes to believe it is built on seven THOUSAND hills.
*If your feet are wet enough long enough, you cease to feel them.
*In Scotland, even tourists are covered under the National Health. Wonder how Americans would feel if non-citizens were covered under a tax-payer funded national health scheme?
*Scotspeak rules, and I fully intend to return home speaking in Scottish, peppering my speech with words like "wee" , "car park", "haggis", and "bagpipe". I may also feel a compulsive need to refer to elevators as lifts.
*No matter how you prepare for it, when you see your great grandparent's handwritten signatures for the first time, registering their marriage to each other, you just might start to cry. You may also impulsively jump up and hug the man handing you that information.
*You may also feel inclined to hug the gravestone of your great great grandparents when you miraculously stumble upon it, amidst thousands, in a fog covered, hilltop cemetery.
*It's easy to get jaded when everything around you holds so much history...this can cause you to see a marker for something and go "Oh, that's no big deal, it's only 200 years old..."
*St. Mungo's Museum of Religious Life, in Glasgow, is an absolute MUST SEE, regardless of your religious beliefs or religious nonbeliefs. Simply spectacular.
*The best way to see any of it is with your very best friend.
*Learning to live life without a flat iron...and allowing the photo's to prove it.
*Picking up pedestrians, shaking them, then smacking them back down on the street.
*Meeting a man in a tartan turban that matched his tartan tie. And his tartan trousers.
*Realizing that sightseeing alone means asking complete, non-English speaking strangers if they will take my picture here...or there...with that in the background...
*In five days, I can take over 600 pictures.
*Edinburgh was built on seven hills, but when one uses walking as a primary means of transportation one comes to believe it is built on seven THOUSAND hills.
*If your feet are wet enough long enough, you cease to feel them.
*In Scotland, even tourists are covered under the National Health. Wonder how Americans would feel if non-citizens were covered under a tax-payer funded national health scheme?
*Scotspeak rules, and I fully intend to return home speaking in Scottish, peppering my speech with words like "wee" , "car park", "haggis", and "bagpipe". I may also feel a compulsive need to refer to elevators as lifts.
*No matter how you prepare for it, when you see your great grandparent's handwritten signatures for the first time, registering their marriage to each other, you just might start to cry. You may also impulsively jump up and hug the man handing you that information.
*You may also feel inclined to hug the gravestone of your great great grandparents when you miraculously stumble upon it, amidst thousands, in a fog covered, hilltop cemetery.
*It's easy to get jaded when everything around you holds so much history...this can cause you to see a marker for something and go "Oh, that's no big deal, it's only 200 years old..."
*St. Mungo's Museum of Religious Life, in Glasgow, is an absolute MUST SEE, regardless of your religious beliefs or religious nonbeliefs. Simply spectacular.
*The best way to see any of it is with your very best friend.
An apology
I have an apology to make.
Prior to leaving the US for my vacation in Scotland, I promised people to use this blog to keep them updated on my trip and adventures in the land of my forefathers.
I haven't done so. Part of it has been because there was an issue logging in from afar, and part of it has been that I've been running myself (and Cyndy) totally ragged trying to cram as much experience as possible into my short time here.
Thus, I am very sorry!
I will try to have at least an update or two from here, then will add stories next week.
Even with all the rain (which makes my hair frizz and curl up like a nightmare from 1985), Scotland totally rules.
Tara
Prior to leaving the US for my vacation in Scotland, I promised people to use this blog to keep them updated on my trip and adventures in the land of my forefathers.
I haven't done so. Part of it has been because there was an issue logging in from afar, and part of it has been that I've been running myself (and Cyndy) totally ragged trying to cram as much experience as possible into my short time here.
Thus, I am very sorry!
I will try to have at least an update or two from here, then will add stories next week.
Even with all the rain (which makes my hair frizz and curl up like a nightmare from 1985), Scotland totally rules.
Tara
Friday, August 14, 2009
Ready, Set, GO!!!!
I love to travel.
I love exploring a place that is new to me, meeting new people, and experiencing life in a way that might just be a bit different from my normal.
Today, I travel to Scotland.
SCOTLAND!!!!
This trip is significant for me in several ways. It is the first true vacation I've had in eleven years. Sure, I've traveled in that time. I even lived abroad in that time. But most of that travel has been work related or has been trips for a specific reason (weddings, reunions, funerals). This trip is pure fun. I'm not even taking reading material that is work related, and for me that is an enormous change!
I have wanted to travel to Scotland for as long as I can remember. I grew up hearing how my grandfather was born and raised there, the stories of how he came to the US with his family when he was a teenager, and the stories of our family. Our family name, you see, is one of the original clan names in Scotland. We have our own coat of arms, our own tartan, our own history traced back to the early 12th Century. We have our own motto, "Endure Fort", which means "Endure strongly" or "Endure with Strength." A Lindsay was one of the ten signers of the Scottish Declaration of Independence, the Declaration of Arbroath, in 1320. We intermarried with the clan of William Wallace and gave him castles and land to aid him in his quest for independence. Among us we claim James Bowman Lindsay, who patented a system of wireless telegraphy in 1854; David Lindsay, Bishop of Edinburgh, who crowned King Charles I in 1633, and Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie, who penned a History of Scotland that is one of Scotland's most valuable documents. My grandfather and brother share a name with this last one, as well as with the current (29th) Earl of Crawford. Another Robert Lindsay, cousin to the 26th Earl of Crawford, was the first recipient of the Victoria Cross. We founded the Lindsay-Crawford regiment...the Black Watch regiment...in 1739, a regiment which still stands watch over Edinburgh Castle. The current chief of our clan, the Lord Crawford, Robert Alexander Lindsay, is the premier Earl of Scotland. His predecessors have held a seat in every Parliament (either British or Scottish) since 1137.
It is a history I do not feel worthy of, but one which I embrace wholeheartedly. I cannot even express how excited I am to finally see all these places to which my ancestors had ties and which they held dear. I will see the big things to which our family is connected...Edinburgh Castle, Stirling Castle, Holyrood. But I will also see the things that, though small to others, are large to me...the village where my grandfather was born and raised on the southern tip of Loch Lomond, the church where my greatgrandparents were married.
Equally exciting, too, is the fact that this trip will reunite me with my very dearest and best friend, Cyndy. Well, Cynthia now...but forever Cyndy to me. We met 23 years ago in the seventh grade, and though we have not lived in the same state in the last 22 of those years our friendship stands firm and solid. Cyndy has been living in Edinburgh for the last 3 years, attending vet school at the University of Edinburgh. Since she's only got one more year, it is high time I take advantage of the free lodging!
It promises to be a busy week. We have plans, though both Cyndy and I are very used to plans dancing out of our way and letting the unexpected rule the day.
I'll arrive in Edinburgh on Saturday morning...Cyndy and her boyfriend, Tim, arrive back from Dubai on Saturday night. We're hoping I get delayed (I almost always get delayed when I travel!) so that we can meet up in Amsterdam on our layovers and spend the day there. Barring that bit of luck, I'll take a bus to her friend Bronwyn's flat to pick up the keys to Cyndy and Tim's flat and then take a cab there. hmmmm...me, luggage, place I've never been and public transport? That leaves plenty of opportunity for mishap!
Our weekly plan looks something like this:
Sunday:
Castle Hill/Royal Mile in Edinburgh, specifically to include the Camera Obscura , the Writer's Museum , and a Literary Pub Tour.
Monday:
Cyndy has a morning appointment, so while she takes care of that I'll head to Edinburgh Castle, and after lunch we have 2pm reservations for horseback riding. YeeHaw!
Tuesday:
We head by train to Glasgow, where we'll have brunch at the Willow Tea Rooms. This was my great-grandma Lindsay's favorite place...after a day of shopping in Glasgow, she would take my grandfather and his siblings here for tea. Then we'll tool about Glasgow for a bit, hopefully taking in St. Mungo's Museum (I know, Harry Potter fans, I know! St. Mungo's!!) Then we'll take the train on to Alexandria, at the southern tip of Loch Lomond. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where my grandfather was born!!! We've booked a night at a Bed and Breakfast with absolutely wonderful hosts who have already been incredibly helpful via email. They've even offered to take us out on their own boat into Loch Lomond, for a more personal experience than the large boat tour companies can provide.
Wednesday:
We'll search the records at St. James, the church where my great grandparents were married. We'll scout out what used to be the home where my grandfather grew up, although we know that the home has been razed and it is now just a bowling green. But still, it's his place, you know? Weather permitting, we'll go out on Loch Lomond, too! And then we head back to Edinburgh.
Thursday:
We'll go to Stirling Castle and then back to Edinburgh for the ghostly Real Mary King's Close tour that evening.
Friday:
A day of rest? Likely not! It's Tim's birthday party, and we're gonna party like it's 1989! Or sometime in the 80's, at least. I even packed a costume, leg warmers and all. Watch out, ozone layer, it's Aqua Net time! We'll spend the day getting ready, and hopefully I'll have some time to do some shopping or to catch some of the action at the Edinburgh Festival or at Fringe Fest.
Saturday:
The day remains unplanned, but we've got 7:30 pm tickets for the Edinburgh Tattoo and then to Deacon Brodie's for dinner and watching the fireworks.
And then Sunday, I come home.
All that, yet I look at my travel books and know that there is so much I'm missing!!!
Maybe I'll have to go twice. :-)
I love exploring a place that is new to me, meeting new people, and experiencing life in a way that might just be a bit different from my normal.
Today, I travel to Scotland.
SCOTLAND!!!!
This trip is significant for me in several ways. It is the first true vacation I've had in eleven years. Sure, I've traveled in that time. I even lived abroad in that time. But most of that travel has been work related or has been trips for a specific reason (weddings, reunions, funerals). This trip is pure fun. I'm not even taking reading material that is work related, and for me that is an enormous change!
I have wanted to travel to Scotland for as long as I can remember. I grew up hearing how my grandfather was born and raised there, the stories of how he came to the US with his family when he was a teenager, and the stories of our family. Our family name, you see, is one of the original clan names in Scotland. We have our own coat of arms, our own tartan, our own history traced back to the early 12th Century. We have our own motto, "Endure Fort", which means "Endure strongly" or "Endure with Strength." A Lindsay was one of the ten signers of the Scottish Declaration of Independence, the Declaration of Arbroath, in 1320. We intermarried with the clan of William Wallace and gave him castles and land to aid him in his quest for independence. Among us we claim James Bowman Lindsay, who patented a system of wireless telegraphy in 1854; David Lindsay, Bishop of Edinburgh, who crowned King Charles I in 1633, and Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie, who penned a History of Scotland that is one of Scotland's most valuable documents. My grandfather and brother share a name with this last one, as well as with the current (29th) Earl of Crawford. Another Robert Lindsay, cousin to the 26th Earl of Crawford, was the first recipient of the Victoria Cross. We founded the Lindsay-Crawford regiment...the Black Watch regiment...in 1739, a regiment which still stands watch over Edinburgh Castle. The current chief of our clan, the Lord Crawford, Robert Alexander Lindsay, is the premier Earl of Scotland. His predecessors have held a seat in every Parliament (either British or Scottish) since 1137.
It is a history I do not feel worthy of, but one which I embrace wholeheartedly. I cannot even express how excited I am to finally see all these places to which my ancestors had ties and which they held dear. I will see the big things to which our family is connected...Edinburgh Castle, Stirling Castle, Holyrood. But I will also see the things that, though small to others, are large to me...the village where my grandfather was born and raised on the southern tip of Loch Lomond, the church where my greatgrandparents were married.
Equally exciting, too, is the fact that this trip will reunite me with my very dearest and best friend, Cyndy. Well, Cynthia now...but forever Cyndy to me. We met 23 years ago in the seventh grade, and though we have not lived in the same state in the last 22 of those years our friendship stands firm and solid. Cyndy has been living in Edinburgh for the last 3 years, attending vet school at the University of Edinburgh. Since she's only got one more year, it is high time I take advantage of the free lodging!
It promises to be a busy week. We have plans, though both Cyndy and I are very used to plans dancing out of our way and letting the unexpected rule the day.
I'll arrive in Edinburgh on Saturday morning...Cyndy and her boyfriend, Tim, arrive back from Dubai on Saturday night. We're hoping I get delayed (I almost always get delayed when I travel!) so that we can meet up in Amsterdam on our layovers and spend the day there. Barring that bit of luck, I'll take a bus to her friend Bronwyn's flat to pick up the keys to Cyndy and Tim's flat and then take a cab there. hmmmm...me, luggage, place I've never been and public transport? That leaves plenty of opportunity for mishap!
Our weekly plan looks something like this:
Sunday:
Castle Hill/Royal Mile in Edinburgh, specifically to include the Camera Obscura , the Writer's Museum , and a Literary Pub Tour.
Monday:
Cyndy has a morning appointment, so while she takes care of that I'll head to Edinburgh Castle, and after lunch we have 2pm reservations for horseback riding. YeeHaw!
Tuesday:
We head by train to Glasgow, where we'll have brunch at the Willow Tea Rooms. This was my great-grandma Lindsay's favorite place...after a day of shopping in Glasgow, she would take my grandfather and his siblings here for tea. Then we'll tool about Glasgow for a bit, hopefully taking in St. Mungo's Museum (I know, Harry Potter fans, I know! St. Mungo's!!) Then we'll take the train on to Alexandria, at the southern tip of Loch Lomond. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where my grandfather was born!!! We've booked a night at a Bed and Breakfast with absolutely wonderful hosts who have already been incredibly helpful via email. They've even offered to take us out on their own boat into Loch Lomond, for a more personal experience than the large boat tour companies can provide.
Wednesday:
We'll search the records at St. James, the church where my great grandparents were married. We'll scout out what used to be the home where my grandfather grew up, although we know that the home has been razed and it is now just a bowling green. But still, it's his place, you know? Weather permitting, we'll go out on Loch Lomond, too! And then we head back to Edinburgh.
Thursday:
We'll go to Stirling Castle and then back to Edinburgh for the ghostly Real Mary King's Close tour that evening.
Friday:
A day of rest? Likely not! It's Tim's birthday party, and we're gonna party like it's 1989! Or sometime in the 80's, at least. I even packed a costume, leg warmers and all. Watch out, ozone layer, it's Aqua Net time! We'll spend the day getting ready, and hopefully I'll have some time to do some shopping or to catch some of the action at the Edinburgh Festival or at Fringe Fest.
Saturday:
The day remains unplanned, but we've got 7:30 pm tickets for the Edinburgh Tattoo and then to Deacon Brodie's for dinner and watching the fireworks.
And then Sunday, I come home.
All that, yet I look at my travel books and know that there is so much I'm missing!!!
Maybe I'll have to go twice. :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
